What a Year!

Today we are celebrating our 1 year anniversary. I know everyone always says, "I can't believe it's been a year already"...but I seriously can't believe how fast this year has blown by. It's been a crazy year full of lots of good and a few rough patches with jobs and moving, but throughout it our marriage has been fantastic. I'm so lucky to be spending my life with someone who knows me so well and has been my best friend for so many years.

I decided to look back at the journal entries and blog posts I wrote a year ago, just to remember exactly where my mind was right before we got married.

Here it is again, my birthday. I'm a whopping 27 years old and in 17 days I am marrying the man I've dreamed about for more than 5 years...I never truly thought I would have this. Happiness, true love, someone who wanted to be with me forever. Through all the dating and loser boyfriends of my past...they led me to this. To him.

When I stop and think about all of the crazy bumps we've weathered on our journey together it really is amazing. The heartbreak from others, the distance, the uncertainty...but we made it through all of it and "won" a beautiful thing - our lives together (finally, right?). Some days it feels so surreal, yet most days it feels like the most normal, easy thing in the world. I trust him completely, will love him unconditionally and can't wait to see what our future together will be like.

I think the most amazing part of our actual wedding day was when I was getting ready with all the girls and waiting to walk down the aisle with my dad...it hit me - I wasn't nervous at all. I had no butterflies or any doubts whatsoever. I couldn't wait to marry the love of my life...I would have run down that aisle if my dress had been a teensy bit shorter - I definitely was wearing the shoes for it!





















We had so much fun on our wedding day, and had a fantastic time on our honeymoon at Disney World (hope we can go back soon!), but it didn't even begin to come close to the fun we've had this entire first year together. So here's to many many more!








































"My life would suck without you!" Yep - we had a Kelly Clarkson quote on our wedding program, that's just who we are.

A Successful Birthday Week

So, it's been a pretty great couple of weeks. Within that time period the fall season has FINALLY come to the Eastern Shore, my younger sister and her boyfriend came to visit for 4 days, I turned a whopping 28 years of age and have begun to once again play with fall flavors in my cooking and baking endeavors.

My younger sister and I are close, and I'm so thankful for our relationship. She lives in Indiana now, so I don't get to see her often, but we always just pick up where we left off whenever we get together. When she was 18 and graduated from high school, she decided to move out to Indiana (where I was graduating from college) and live with me for awhile. The next 3 years were hilarious and a lot of fun. We got to know each other as "grown ups" and I felt like we got to make up for so much lost time because I went to college so far away while she was going through high school.

I love her to death and hate that she lives so far away, but I'm so proud of the life she's built for herself there and the fantastic guy she's dating. Hopefully there will be many more subsequent visits in the future! We're quietly plotting to find said boyfriend a great job out here on the East Coast so we can live next door to each other and become increasingly annoying to everyone as we continue to enjoy our ridiculously close friendship. Sounds like a great plan to me!

In other news, my husband got me the best birthday present to date: an original piece of art painted by one of our incredibly talented friends...how lucky are we to know so many artists?!

The story behind the painting is that I absolutely love Hayao Miyazaki movies and my favorite of all time is My Neighbor Totoro, tied with Howl's Moving Castle. I honestly can't decide, they're both incredible movies and I watch them multiple times a year!

There is a lot of Totoro (the main character in the movie) artwork out there and I've always like it, but I haven't found a lot that I want to go ahead and buy. The posters are great, but I wanted more of an art piece rather than just a flat image I needed to frame. I mean, it's Totoro...he's literally larger than life, how could he just be captured in a poster image?

Yes, I am this insane about the movie characters I love...and I'm ok with that.

So this painting not only incorporated Totoro perfectly, but my husband had our friend add a few personalized touches. If you look closely you'll see that Totoro is wearing green Chuck Taylors - my all-time favorite and preferred footwear. He's also carrying a bouquet of flowers (one of my favorite gifts for any occasion). I love that my husband knows me so well - so well that he could get a friend of ours to create such a personal gift for me that literally no one else has!

This year's birthday week was fantastic. Last year we were so crazed planning our wedding (taking place 2 weeks after my birthday!) that my birthday got a little rushed and shuffled over. This year more than made up for it and I couldn't have asked for a better one.

Prayers For Reagan

I can't remember a more terrifying day than yesterday in my (some might say short) 27 years on this planet. I also can't remember a time where I understood better the phrase "pray without ceasing", because that's what I did all day long for my niece Reagan.

Reagan is almost 15 months old and, I know I'm biased, but the cutest thing ever. She's a smart, playful little girl who really charms everyone. I've always felt like I had a special bond with her and her older brother Cameron (age 4) because I was lucky enough to live with them for about 10 months while my sister was pregnant with Reagan and up until she was about 4 months old.

I cried almost all the way (to my now) home when I moved away to the Eastern Shore (about 2.5 hours from them), it was ridiculously hard to say goodbye to them, especially when they didn't really understand I wasn't going to see them every day anymore. Cam is that kid who always rushes to hug me when I walked in the door from work, impatient for me to hurry up and change clothes so we could play. Reagan is the source of so many stories and memories - from her dramatic activity in utero to more recent stories, like how she refused to feed the ducks bread she wanted herself. My sister has told me so many times (sometimes in gentle frustration!) how much Reagan reminds her of me when I was little. A stubborn, but funny little girl - full of curiosity and laughter.

Yesterday she had a seizure and they couldn't get it to stop. So she was rushed to the hospital up in Columbia, MD. There they had to intubate and sedate her heavily and get her in the cat scan. Thankfully her scan came back clear, no bleeds on the brain or damage. They airlifted her to Children's Hospital, where she is now.

The seizing finally stopped and she woke up in the afternoon. She started breathing on her own soon after and is schedule for more testing. Today we're waiting to see what her spinal tap shows and I think she's scheduled for an MRI and an EEG. The doctors want a better look at a brain ventricle she had trouble with when she was in utero to make sure there's no scar tissue that could be causing the seizures.

The good news is that she's alert and driving everyone a little crazy since they had to move her from a bed to a crib because she kept wanting to play with all the buttons on her machines. She's eating and drinking and talking and acting like her normal little self. So really it's just waiting to find out what is causing these seizures.

During all of this, the only two things I could think were "God, please keep her safe, please heal her!" and "I hate myself for not being there!" I physically could not be with my family during this horrific day for stupidly practical reasons. We only have one car right now and Aaron had it at work (20 miles away from our house) and couldn't leave because he's a medical professional and they got completely slammed with patients nonstop all day. It broke my heart constantly to know that my niece was unconscious most of the day, my sister and brother-in-law were terrified and just having to wait at the hospital and there was no way for me to be there with them.

I did all I could do, talked to Kate on the phone on and off all day and prayed constantly. Thank God she's doing well today...please pray with us about her tests. She is being treated by one of the best pediatric neurological teams in the country and they are determined to find answers.

"Families are like fudge - mostly sweet with a few nuts!"

Family is something I become increasingly more thankful for every year. When I was a kid we really didn't live that close to many of our relatives, plus we don't have any first cousins, so while all the adults in our lives really worked hard to make sure they were a part of our lives (love my aunts and uncles!), many times we only got to see each other once a year or even once every other year.

Now that my sisters and I are adults (don't tell my Mom - we grew up!), we don't live that close to each other - which honestly sucks. I hate living so far away from my younger sister, Molly, who is out in Indiana. I live closer to my older sister Kate and her family, but we still don't see each other often enough because we're about 2 1/2 hours apart (thank you rising gas prices - ugh!). My parents also moved away from the DC area and out to Oklahoma about 4 years ago, so they aren't nearby either. Thankfully we all keep in touch through the magic of e-mail, blogging and Facebook - not to mention regular phone calls, but I can't help but wish we all lived at least in the same state!

Since Aaron and I got married in October, so many people have told me how lucky I am to get along well not just with my husband's parents, but with his brother, sister and their families too. I have to say, I feel like I was welcomed into the entire family with open arms and immediately gained 2 extra sisters, 2 brothers, 2 more nephews and 2 more nieces - it has been fantastic. I love my extended family and unfortunately for us, we do live about 3 hours away from most of them...but sometimes we get to have impromptu visits...like this weekend!

Aaron's younger brother Adam, his wife Christina and their kids (Jade (2) and Thatcher (9 months) surprised everyone by driving down from PA to visit for 3 days. It was so much fun having the house full of laughter, Jade's piping high voice and music as Adam and Aaron both play too many instruments for their own good. Those are the types of moments I always look back on and smile...those moments that help me keep my sanity until we get to see each other again.


I can't wait til April - BOTH of Aaron's siblings and their families will be staying with us. It's going to be a packed house, but I can't wait til we're all under one roof again. It's going to be loud and crazy and fantastic...and I'll be sad to see everyone leave again.

I know it probably won't happen, but I still hope that one day we'll be lucky enough to live close to both sides of our family...that our future kids will be able to grow up surrounded by their cousins and the kids of some of our best friends...I can dream right?

"A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold." ~Ogden Nash

"The family. We were a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another's desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms, inflicting pain and kissing to heal it in the same instant, loving, laughing, defending, and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together." ~Erma Bombeck

"In a houseful of toddlers and pets, you can start out having a bad day, but you keep getting detoured." ~Robert Brault

"The informality of family life is a blessed condition that allows us to become our best while looking our worst." ~Marge Kennedy

It's Simple

Ok, this is a simple post that will include photos that really just encompass how awesome my nieces and nephews are. I'm such a lucky "Auntie Em"!











Say hello to Baby Thatcher...he's my newest nephew at about 8 weeks old! He is Aaron's brother Adam's little boy.














He is followed closely by Baby Reagan (AKA Baby Ray) who is almost 6 months old now! She is my older sister Kate's daughter and is rolling around and scooting like crazy. I've gotten to know her since the literal day she was born (see above) and for the first 4-5 months of her life I got to live with her...fun times!














Next up are Lance (L.T.) and Jade (Baby J)! L.T is the son of Aaron's sister Amanda and Baby J is Adam's daughter. They are only about a month apart and are about a year and a half old! I can't believe how big they are and I'm so lucky to be able to spend a decent amount of time with them both this summer!














Then we have Cameron...Cam just turned 4 in June and is a seriously smart preschooler! He's been reading since he was 3 and is now at a first grade level, he knows all his numbers, colors and recently asked me if I was going to "saute those onions first" (yes - we watch too much food network!). I love him to death and had so much fun living with him and his whole family for 10+ months! He also obviously loves sunglasses, popsicles and Transformers. He is Kate's little boy and will talk your ear off about everything from Bakugan, Transformers and dinosaurs!














My last and definitely not least niece is Patience (Pae). I've actually known her since she was a few months old, as she is Andrew's daughter from his previous marriage and he and Kate have been friends since before she was born! I can't believe I got to celebrate her 9th birthday with her this summer...I don't get to see her as often as I'd like to because she spends most of the year in Florida with her mom, but I can't wait til she comes back to celebrate Christmas with us this year!

I am truly blessed to have so many wonderful kids in my life and I can't wait to meet the newest one (due Dec/Jan)!

Em Was Not Meant to Live Alone...

As I prepare to write this blog update, I'm struggling with just how "refreshingly" honest to be. Sometimes its so easy to bare my soul on this page, not having to put a specific face with whoever decides to read it - but other times I'm struck with just how public spouting my feelings off through this blog can be! Still, it is somewhat cathartic to just throw it all out there...so bear with me.

I just recently finished reading "Committed" by Elizabeth Gilbert. She is quickly becoming one of my favorite authors and I would love to someday sit down and talk with her as both a writer and an emotionally confused woman (as most of us women are). The book explores the many different cultural views of marriage and family in a very personal way as she was quite honestly forced by the US government to marry her longtime partner due to the fact that he was Brazilian and was traveling to the US to live with her on temporary visas then leaving for just long enough to secure another visa, then coming back again...yeah eventually good old US Homeland Security caught up with them and they either had to get married or he would effectively be banned from the US - where they had made their home. I don't want to give away the entire book, but it was fantastic read and offered great insight to me on how so many cultures around the world view and practice marriage and family life.

The cultures that really struck home to me were the ones (pretty much all cultures outside the US) that place a great emphasis on keeping family close by. Many all living in the same house! This struck a deep chord within me, filling me with a sadness and incredibly strong longing to have that kind of real, geographical closeness to those I love. In short: Em was not meant to live alone! I would fit in very well with those wonderful close-knit clans and cultures who want to keep their relatives close by, living in the same house and village all their lives.

There is next to nothing I desire more than to live within shouting distance of those I love: my family of course, especially my sisters who I love so much and have been very spoiled to be so close to...and my "adopted" family - those wonderful friends in my life who have become just as close as family and just that vital to my own happiness.

But alas...we live in a culture where so many of us are isolated from our families and each other, everyone in their own houses, spread out over this vast nation...thankfully we have wonderful technological tools that allow us to keep in touch, but I wonder just how much we are all missing out because we don't live in a culture that values physical closeness to the ones you love. I know my heart aches every time I allow myself to dwell on the fact that my parents live states away in Oklahoma, that my younger sister lives out in Indiana (although she plans to move back to MD soon - hooray!), that my older sister and her wonderful family still live about 2 hours away, definitely out of shouting distance. I miss my friends, my wonderful family of friends spread out through Indiana, Ohio, Pennsylvania, Illinois and even the U.K. and Indonesia!

And so I find myself contemplating on one hand how blessed I am to have such a wonderful family patched together from loving relatives to friends I consider extra siblings and at the same time almost resenting the fact that I was fortunate enough to have those relationships, only to be moved so far away from them that I miss so many of them daily.

I may joke about it, but my ultimate dream is to live in a neighborhood somewhere in this oh-so-vast country with all of my friends and family members right there with me. Our kids growing up together, cooking in each others kitchens, our husbands becoming fast friends and watching every sporting event imaginable together (since between all the guys I'm friends with and my soon-to-be-husband love all sports!), trading kids with each other as we find ourselves exasperated as mothers and ready for a break...life. Crazy, exhausting, joyful, amazing LIFE together...could there be a better dream?

Definitely not for me.

Happy Beachin...

I have been very blessed to have such a wonderful day! You ever have one of those days where you feel just completely content? That was today. I don't think I stopped smiling (not in a creepy way like this guy) all day!

I got to spend the day at Rehoboth Beach with my good friend Meghan. We took in the sun, the ocean breeze, the calm crashing of the water, some fantastic pad thai and mango sticky rice and a wonderful italian dinner back at the house with women from the church I used to go to when I was a kid! It was great to see everyone (they were there for a retreat this weekend)...there's just something about that sense of community you get from being around people who have known you since you were 12 years old...and still inexplicably like and want to talk to you! It was so peaceful to spend that time with Meghan (we've known each other since high school and met in church youth group...she's also a bridesmaid!) walking on the beach and talking about the past, present and possible futures.

Now that I've moved out to the Eastern Shore and am settling into an area where I know Aaron and I will be living (hopefully) for a decent amount of time, I'm chomping at the bit to have that close "community" again. Today was a wonderful example of how even though my life has changed so much, my parents have moved out of state and I'm living completely away from both of my sisters for the first time in 5 years...even still...I can always have that sense of "home" with the people who have known and loved me through difficult and trying times. It was a reassurance that I no matter how far apart I live from those I love, we can always be brought together and spend time laughing, eating and catching up as if no time has passed. What a blessing to be reminded of that!

Now, just to give some perspective...here's a picture of Meghan and me one of the last times we were at the beach together many many (about 6 years!) moons ago...

Out of the Mouths of...well...Camerons?

Ok...so I'm sitting here, trying to figure out what to blog about. This is the problem with waiting too long in between blog posts is that I can't focus on what to blog about...so here are my choices:

1. My upcoming major move to the Eastern Shore, new job, new place, etc.

2. How God is persistently teaching me to be patient and rest in His peace.

3. My fiance's fascination with Legos and the awesome Lego-filled weekend we had.

4. A hilarious thing Cam said today and the random other comments it spawned for us around the dinner table.

Of COURSE I pick option 4 because seriously? Best. Cam. Quote. EVER....are you ready for this?

"Mommy, why is Iron Man black?"

DEAD SILENCE...followed by hysterical laughter by the adults in the household.

Explanation: He was looking at Kate's Dr. Pepper can, which is promoting IronMan 2 featuring Don Cheadle as "War Machine" and, yes...both the actor and "War Machine" are black. Cam isn't old enough to really get into the Iron Man story or see the movies yet, so he doesn't know who War Machine is. He just recognized the Iron Man suit and read the can.

Wow.

Of course the next comment was Andrew's (his dad), "Mommy, why is Iron Man that guy from Hotel Rwanda?"

This might be Cam's best quote week yet! Earlier, he came up to Kate (his mom) and announced we should get VIVA paper towels because they're better to clean up with. Holy marketing effectiveness batman!

Stay tuned for a new blog later this week that tackles one of the other subjects listed above. Feel free to weigh in on your opinion of which one it should be.

Missing You...

This past weekend was an incredible rollercoaster of ups and downs emotionally and physically. Aaron was in town, which is always fantastic and Mom is also here. I'm so blessed that they get along so well - both of us really lucked out with our future "in-laws"!

Saturday (as you can see in the post below), I went shopping with Mom, Meghan and Susan for my wedding gown and we found a fantastic one, had a wonderful time doing it!

Then Sunday came...I had hardly any sleep on Saturday night, tossing and turning, my brain full and my ears refusing to block out any extra sounds. Not a fun night. When I don't get sleep I tend to start feeling really overwhelmed and emotional and sure enough...Sunday I was uber-emotional. Un-fun.

I am so thankful for having my mom, Aaron and Kate around who so graciously put up with my incomprehensible blubbering, near-projectile puking and constant worrying and always seem to know what to say to calm me down.

There were a few "real" reasons I was upset hiding underneath that dense blanket of exhaustion-induced tears...and one of them is a simple one...I miss my friends! Of course I do have friends here, great ones in fact, but I miss the awesome friends I made out in Indiana who were like my close little dysfuctional family. We were (and probably still are) outrageously comfortable with and dependent on each other...I miss that family-style level of comfort we all have together - that familiarity that allowed us to just walk in each others' houses, flop down on the couch and hang out talking or watching TV while bickering about what to have for dinner. Those friends, that family, ties in so closely to my feeling of being settled and being "at home" - something I didn't realize until I moved away from all of them.

I love living with Kate and Andrew in their home. They have been so incredibly generous to me and I am dreading saying goodbye when I move to Salisbury...even though I'm looking forward to living there too! Still, they're my family and I love them so much and that house they've made into such a great home. But...I've always known that my staying there is temporary. Not a bad thing at all - but that knowledge is one of the factors that has kept me from feeling completely settled here. I know I'll be moving on yet again, saying goodbyes yet again and leaving another sister behind as I cry my way to yet another "home" while driving a moving van. It hurts my heart a little more as my official move out date gets closer and closer.

Doing all of this wedding planning and fun things like trying on gowns, trying to come up with favors that will be fun yet affordable and laughing myself sick at the atrocious dresses some brides force their attendants to wear...all of this would be a flobbity-jillion percent more fun with both of my sisters (Molly is out in Indiana still), Ruthie, Aimee, Matty, Josh, Amber, Mary...and everyone else I love who I live states away from now. It's hard not to dwell on that ache in my heart that creeps into my throat and draws tears to my eyes every time I think about those friends...my family.

I miss you so much.

Forgiveness and the Something of a Lighter Fare...

One of the things I've had a hard time with since I was a little kid is forgiveness. Forgiving others, forgiving myself and moving on...not so easy for me! As I've gotten older I'd like to say it's gotten easier...but that would mostly be a lie...mostly!

I find it the most difficult to forgive others for hurting those I love. Nevermind how someone hurts me, its when they hurt the ones closest to that I find their actions "unforgivable".

Still, God tells us that we are to forgive those who "sin against us", and I assume those who sin against the ones we love are a part of that grouping...sigh...why can't forgiveness come easier to me?

Something to mull over obsessively for awhile until God reveals yet another one of my fabulous "flaws" to me...

In other (and decidedly more upbeat) news: Mom is in town...woohooo! I haven't seen her since Christmas and it's so great to have her around for two whole weeks. During this visit she's having a great time bonding with her brand new granddaughter AND we get to do some fantastic wedding stuff...like try on dresses this weekend! I can't wait - I finally feel 100% like myself again and I can actually be excited about all the awesome stuff we get to do to get ready for the upcoming wedding.

Any suggestions on wedding dress styles? I was thinking of one like this:

Welcome to the World Baby Reagan McKenzie Cole!

So God's newest little blessing in our lives arrived yesterday (Feb. 16) at 9:20 AM screaming bloody murder, weighing 8.1 lbs. rockin some seriously fantastic strawberry-blond hair (just like her soon-to-be favorite Aunt) and dark blue eyes.

Mom and baby are doing just fine. I'm so thrilled that I got to see her the day she was born and see Cam react to his new baby sister. He was so excited to see her and kept saying "she's so cute", "she's so little"...my favorite was when we were leaving and he turned around and said, "it was nice to meet you!" I don't think he really understand the impact that tiny little girl is going to have on his life, but hopefully all will go smoothly in our house when she comes home in a few days!

I took a million pictures (of course) and you can see most of them on my Facebook page, but I had to post at least one or two on here too!