Dear Special Person

Dear Special Person Who Insists on Driving Like a Douche-y McDoucherson:

I understand that there are many important things in your life that may distract you from operating your vehicle. Your need to text, drink coffee, apply lip gloss and blow your nose simultaneously while navigating the Baltimore streets driving with your elbows definitely top the list of course.

My only request...

(it really is just a small one)

is...

WOULD YOU MIND DOING THAT IN THE FREAKING RIGHT LANE INSTEAD OF CRAWLING ALONG AT 30 MPH WEAVING ACROSS THE TWO LEFT LANES AND DRIVING ME OUT OF MY MIND?!?!?!?!

Sincerely,
The Person Desperately Trying to Resist Giving You The Finger While Riding Your Bumper

Do you feel like it?

One of the things God has been teaching me lately is what role my emotions do and do not play in my life. Now, being female of course my emotions are a huge part of who I am. Yes, I'm the one who tears up at especially poignant Hallmark commercials, movies (did anyone else bawl like a baby through PS I Love You?) and even songs. But when it comes to my day-to-day life and decision-making, how much should I be letting how I "feel" guide me?

What has really been driven home to me lately is that there are many things in my life that I have to CHOOSE to do, despite what I feel. I know this is a sign of being a fully-functioning adult (i.e. I don't feel like working today, yet here I am at work), but in my personal life and relationship with God it's a bit of a revelation for me.

One thing I have been consistently taught (and I thank my Mom for this) is that when life doesn't make sense and tragedy strikes the way you get through is to focus on what you KNOW to be true about God. Not what you feel, because if you tap into those feelings and blame God, focusing on anger and frustration and sorrow, you'll just become more bogged down and hopeless.

As many of you already know, my good friends Jenny and Andy recently lost their little girl Olivia Hope. She was born with Trisonomy 13 and passed away a few days later. It is an absolutely heartbreaking situation that brings me to tears every time I think about them and lift them up in prayer. It isn't fair, it doesn't seem right and my friends are in such pain now trying to move forward and grieve for their little girl. It would be so easy for me to slide into blaming God for her death, tapping into that deep well of sorrow and emotions that spin out of control...

But what do I know to be true about God? I know all things work together for good for those who love Him. I know He will never leave us or forsake us. I know He has a plan for each child of His. And I know that Olivia is now in His arms for eternity and we will see her again someday.

These truths are what I focus on...and so I CHOOSE to praise Him every day. Whether I "feel" like it or not. I know the truth about my heavenly Father and that alone is deserving of my praise...even when tragedy strikes and the circumstances of this world don't seem to make sense.

Blessed be the name of the Lord, blessed be Your glorious name
You give and take away...You give and take away
My heart will CHOOSE to say: Lord, blessed be your name

Should I really be complaining or will you all hate me?

Ok, so it wasn't really a new year's resolution...call it a re-commitment in my constant goal to lead a healthier life, but I have started working out regularly these past few months as well as trying to eat a more balanced diet and watch my portions. Nothing uber-intense, but all in all a healthier way of life. I've lost weight, but to be honest that wasn't really the goal. I was ok with my self-esteem as far as how much I weighed, but was more concerned about being healthy.

So I've lost a chunk (ha ha) of weight, I have about 60 lbs to go to reach my ultimate goal...I started at needing to lose between 70-75 and whether I do reach that 60 lbs lost mark or not is fine, I just want my BMI to be healthy and to have more energy. I don't want to obsess on what the scale tells me, I want to feel good and know that I'm living a healthy life.

ANYWAY

I didn't really mean to barf my personal weight loss and health goals out on this blog, but oh well. It feeds directly into my weird blend of annoyance and happiness at the moment.

I have been in desperate need of new business attire for awhile - I've been scrimping by on what I have, but really need to update my closet with more choices rather than constantly adding to my college-level t-shirt collection (although it does ROCK). So knowing what size I am, I started doing some online shopping since I rarely have time during the week to shop like a real person. I found 3 tops I loved and thought would work well for work and could also be dressed down with jeans or capris...

...or so I thought.

They arrived today...and literally HUNG on me! It was shocking to me. I know I've been losing weight - the tape measure and scale rarely lie, but I didn't believe it until I put on a shirt in my old size and realized I could fit a good 20 pounds around my middle under it. The super annoying part of it is of course that I was looking forward to wearing new clothes this week and instead have to return all 3 tops.

Annoyed.

But elated?

What can I say, I'm female. Some shopping with the best shopping buddy in the world is on for this weekend...how lucky am I to have a fiance who loves shopping and actually has fantastic opinions about clothing?

Ok you can all throw things at me now.