Fiona in January

Fiona in January

Saturday, July 30, 2011

The Hellish Month of July

So, I know I've been neglecting this blog something fierce for a month...however, it was intentional. To be honest (without outrageously oversharing), July was a truly awful month in some ways...including the horrifyingly hot weather!

It was personally exhausting, stressful, emotionally draining and full of tears and frustrations. I haven't been blogging because I honestly wasn't sure what to say. I didn't want to share my entire personal and private life online, and while I've been going to church and hearing some wonderful messages by our pastors over at ORBC, I just didn't have the heart to share and comment on them while my heart was fighting through a lot of turmoil.

So what has changed?

Let me just say first that my relationship with my husband is the only thing that really kept me sane (he may dispute the level of perceived sanity, but he's known me 10 years so he's allowed). There was never any arguing or issues between us - it was just life, frustrations and the outside world kicking me in the metaphorical ovaries.

Uncool outside world.


Coming out on the other side of a truly difficult and emotionally bleak month, I am starting to bounce back to my positive outlook, thank you God for that! Once of the things I was struggling with was a deep loneliness and feeling of isolation that smacked me over the head out of the blue...through that (among other things), I'm starting to break out of my comfort zone and reach out to some wonderful potential new friends. Being patient with the process sucks, but we all know that patience has never been one of my stronger virtues. I'm trying!

I started a new job - didn't leave my old one - but added a new part time job working with kids that I am really starting to enjoy. It's only about 10 hours a week, but those little buggers have already started worming their way into my heart. Without having that job, this month would have been even harder. Nothing tugs the heartstrings and makes you feel loved like a small child's face lighting up when she sees you or a baby reaching out his little arms to be hugged. Those kids have been a lifesaver for me these past few weeks and I'm looking forward to what they continue to teach me in the months to come.

I faltered a lot this week in my commitment to daily set aside time to pray and read God's Word. I'm struggling to get back into that habit, as it is a priority in my heart, but when I was so downtrodden I somehow resisted bringing my pain to God...completely insane, I I'm slowly making my way humbly back to Him each day. How great is it that God will always forgive me and welcome me into His presence?

So that's it, faithful blog readers, I'm back and will be writing more regularly as the rest of this year marches on. Hope your July has been restful and wonderful and I hope to hear your stories as you share!