Fiona in January

Fiona in January

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Baby's First Halloween

Happy Halloween!

So Hurricane Sandy wrecked our Halloween plans, but we couldn't resist dressing Baby Knives in her very first Halloween costume...Fiona the Frog!  Her cousin, Cameron, wore this costume his first Halloween when he was her age (he's 6 now) and it was so fun to see Baby Knives as the little frog too.

Friday, October 26, 2012

More Than An Animated Burpcloth

Sometimes you just need to be reminded that you're more than a spit-up covered baby wrangler.  Last night my husband and I got to celebrate our 2 year anniversary by actually going out on a real-life date the way we used to during pre-Baby Knives days...his parents even kept her overnight so we got to SLEEP for a whole 8+ hours uninterrupted.  Absolutely amazing.

We went up to Annapolis to one of our favorite venues, Ram's Head Tavern, to see Jackie Greene perform live.  He's not just a fantastic bluegrass folk rocker, but we saw him back in 2008 on what I consider our first "unofficial" date in Towson.  I love that we were able to see him again celebrating our second wedding anniversary - it was absolutely perfect!

It was such a wonderful reminder of the person I actually am...I love music, I'm a writer, I can actually enjoy things and not feel dragged down by failed nap schedules.  I need to remember I am that whole person on a regular basis.

Jabe Beyer opened for Jackie and while my husband was really psyched (he had heard his music), I hadn't heard him yet and wasn't sure what to expect.  He was amazing.  I'm completely in love with his songs "Louise" and "Pour That Wine".  Check him out!

And of course I couldn't wrap up a post about the show without actually posting music by Jackie of my favorites of his: "Ball and Chain" 

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

I Love You, But...

...I wish I could soothe your cries
...I don't understand why you're happy one second and screaming the next
...I worry that you're not getting the sleep you need
...I wish one of the million different books I read about babies/sleeping/feeding actually HELPED
...I hope you don't remember me crying as much as you do in the dark over your crib
...I hate feeling helpless when I'm your mom
...Why do people say, "it gets better", when all it does is get harder?
...I don't understand why you slept much better 2 months ago when you were younger
...I hope God didn't make a mistake giving you to a mom who is obviously flawed and clueless when it comes to raising you
...I have to wish for a better day tomorrow, but it's hard not to lose hope

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Why is Sleep so Evasive?

I admit, I intentionally took a hiatus from blogging without much warning.  It has been a rough few weeks for this new mom and I didn't feel like blogging when I had nothing positive to say and just wallow in my frustration.  Yet writing is how I process, so I thought I'd take a stab at blogging again.

My daughter is now 15 weeks and 2 days old.  So much of the day she is a delight, a happy baby babbling as she learns to play with toys and discover how good her fingers taste.  I really do cherish those moments because about 3 weeks ago she has started fighting naptime during the day.

Granted, she was feeling under the weather for a solid 2 weeks with nasal congestion and even took me suctioning out her little nose without complaint, but since she's felt better, the fussiness has continued.  She screams and cries as she starts to get tired before I put her down for a nap, no matter how tired she is.  I've tried putting her down for naps fully awake before she gets fussy and that doesn't make a difference.

The frustrating part (besides having her scream her head off multiple times a day) is that I know she's exhausted, she just won't give it up and fall asleep.  Nothing makes me feel like more of a failure as a parent than not being able to simply get my child to sleep and stay asleep to get the rest she needs.  Right now I'm taking solace in the fact that she's doing pretty well at night, only waking up once for a 2am feeding instead of two or three times a night like she used to.

Some days I just have to sit back and shake my head in incredulity over how much my life has changed so quickly since Baby Knives was born.  I'm trying to focus on one day at a time, enjoying the small successes - the fact that after 30 minutes of fussing and rocking, she's finally asleep - and trying to remind myself that just because one day is hard doesn't mean the next will be.  I know that all parents go through tough stretches with their kids at every age range, it's so hard to see beyond this right now and try to convince myself that this phase won't last forever...she will eventually sleep!