God has been slowly and patiently teaching me an incredibly valuable lesson this year, mostly unbeknownst to me until the past few weeks, when a light bulb finally appeared above my head and I just GOT it.
Do you remember being a college student and on that first day of class at the beginning of the semester, professors would drop a 50 lb. syllabus in your lap and outline the seemingly insane amount of work you would be expected to accomplish by the end of the course?
Yes. I was the kid in the back quietly freaking out, firmly caught in the grips of syllabus shock. What I always seemed to forget in those slightly terrifying moments of staring down the future list of things I would be expected to do, be and excel at is that the same professor who was busy scaring me with an over-bloated syllabus was also promising to guide and teach me the skills and knowledge I would need to accomplish those things! I wasn't expected to already be an expert on all the material in the syllabus, that wasn't the point.
God has been slowly and surely guiding me to the same conclusion about my life. In the face of so much change, all good growth in my life, but at times still overwhelming change - He has been quietly reminding me that He will be there every step of the way, at every "quiz", "midterm" and even the "final exam" to teach me everything I need to know. It has been so easy to become overwhelmed at the thought of being a wife, a mother, deciding where to take my professional life next, starting my own publishing company...but why be paralyzed by uncertainty in the face of the bullet points of my own syllabus? The Great Professor (yes, I understand that the metaphor might be a teensy bit cheesy, but I love it anyway) is there with me, always teaching me what I'll need to reach the next step.
And I thank Him every day for His presence, because how in the world would I begin to figure out how to do all of this...all of my life...be who I want to be, who my family deserves to have with out Him?