Fiona in January

Fiona in January

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Prayers For Reagan

I can't remember a more terrifying day than yesterday in my (some might say short) 27 years on this planet. I also can't remember a time where I understood better the phrase "pray without ceasing", because that's what I did all day long for my niece Reagan.

Reagan is almost 15 months old and, I know I'm biased, but the cutest thing ever. She's a smart, playful little girl who really charms everyone. I've always felt like I had a special bond with her and her older brother Cameron (age 4) because I was lucky enough to live with them for about 10 months while my sister was pregnant with Reagan and up until she was about 4 months old.

I cried almost all the way (to my now) home when I moved away to the Eastern Shore (about 2.5 hours from them), it was ridiculously hard to say goodbye to them, especially when they didn't really understand I wasn't going to see them every day anymore. Cam is that kid who always rushes to hug me when I walked in the door from work, impatient for me to hurry up and change clothes so we could play. Reagan is the source of so many stories and memories - from her dramatic activity in utero to more recent stories, like how she refused to feed the ducks bread she wanted herself. My sister has told me so many times (sometimes in gentle frustration!) how much Reagan reminds her of me when I was little. A stubborn, but funny little girl - full of curiosity and laughter.

Yesterday she had a seizure and they couldn't get it to stop. So she was rushed to the hospital up in Columbia, MD. There they had to intubate and sedate her heavily and get her in the cat scan. Thankfully her scan came back clear, no bleeds on the brain or damage. They airlifted her to Children's Hospital, where she is now.

The seizing finally stopped and she woke up in the afternoon. She started breathing on her own soon after and is schedule for more testing. Today we're waiting to see what her spinal tap shows and I think she's scheduled for an MRI and an EEG. The doctors want a better look at a brain ventricle she had trouble with when she was in utero to make sure there's no scar tissue that could be causing the seizures.

The good news is that she's alert and driving everyone a little crazy since they had to move her from a bed to a crib because she kept wanting to play with all the buttons on her machines. She's eating and drinking and talking and acting like her normal little self. So really it's just waiting to find out what is causing these seizures.

During all of this, the only two things I could think were "God, please keep her safe, please heal her!" and "I hate myself for not being there!" I physically could not be with my family during this horrific day for stupidly practical reasons. We only have one car right now and Aaron had it at work (20 miles away from our house) and couldn't leave because he's a medical professional and they got completely slammed with patients nonstop all day. It broke my heart constantly to know that my niece was unconscious most of the day, my sister and brother-in-law were terrified and just having to wait at the hospital and there was no way for me to be there with them.

I did all I could do, talked to Kate on the phone on and off all day and prayed constantly. Thank God she's doing well today...please pray with us about her tests. She is being treated by one of the best pediatric neurological teams in the country and they are determined to find answers.

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