Fiona in January

Fiona in January

Monday, March 15, 2010

Missing You...

This past weekend was an incredible rollercoaster of ups and downs emotionally and physically. Aaron was in town, which is always fantastic and Mom is also here. I'm so blessed that they get along so well - both of us really lucked out with our future "in-laws"!

Saturday (as you can see in the post below), I went shopping with Mom, Meghan and Susan for my wedding gown and we found a fantastic one, had a wonderful time doing it!

Then Sunday came...I had hardly any sleep on Saturday night, tossing and turning, my brain full and my ears refusing to block out any extra sounds. Not a fun night. When I don't get sleep I tend to start feeling really overwhelmed and emotional and sure enough...Sunday I was uber-emotional. Un-fun.

I am so thankful for having my mom, Aaron and Kate around who so graciously put up with my incomprehensible blubbering, near-projectile puking and constant worrying and always seem to know what to say to calm me down.

There were a few "real" reasons I was upset hiding underneath that dense blanket of exhaustion-induced tears...and one of them is a simple one...I miss my friends! Of course I do have friends here, great ones in fact, but I miss the awesome friends I made out in Indiana who were like my close little dysfuctional family. We were (and probably still are) outrageously comfortable with and dependent on each other...I miss that family-style level of comfort we all have together - that familiarity that allowed us to just walk in each others' houses, flop down on the couch and hang out talking or watching TV while bickering about what to have for dinner. Those friends, that family, ties in so closely to my feeling of being settled and being "at home" - something I didn't realize until I moved away from all of them.

I love living with Kate and Andrew in their home. They have been so incredibly generous to me and I am dreading saying goodbye when I move to Salisbury...even though I'm looking forward to living there too! Still, they're my family and I love them so much and that house they've made into such a great home. But...I've always known that my staying there is temporary. Not a bad thing at all - but that knowledge is one of the factors that has kept me from feeling completely settled here. I know I'll be moving on yet again, saying goodbyes yet again and leaving another sister behind as I cry my way to yet another "home" while driving a moving van. It hurts my heart a little more as my official move out date gets closer and closer.

Doing all of this wedding planning and fun things like trying on gowns, trying to come up with favors that will be fun yet affordable and laughing myself sick at the atrocious dresses some brides force their attendants to wear...all of this would be a flobbity-jillion percent more fun with both of my sisters (Molly is out in Indiana still), Ruthie, Aimee, Matty, Josh, Amber, Mary...and everyone else I love who I live states away from now. It's hard not to dwell on that ache in my heart that creeps into my throat and draws tears to my eyes every time I think about those family.

I miss you so much.


  1. Em, I miss you a lot. We really need to plan a get together -- seriously . Love you. Aimee

    P.S. Is there a way I can comment without a blog and without being anonymous?

  2. If you have a gmail account I think you can use that as your username...and yes we need to get together! Love you too...

  3. I miss you lots. I wish I had a lot of money to spontaneously fly out there and see you whenever I want.

    I have to admit that I was job browsing in the PA/MD area. Although, I did have an interview at a christian school out here. It went super well! I have to wait until like 4/12 to hear anything back though.

    Praying for you and Aaron and future marriage-ness. I really really hope we can make it out to the wedding. Let me know if you need anything!