A Bittersweet Blessing

Today I find myself thinking about my Grandma (she passed away a little over a year ago). When she passed she was very generous with us and left each of us a sum of money that we received yesterday. It was an incredible blessing and has come at a perfect time, when so many things in my life are changing and my job future is somewhat uncertain. I thank God for this money that will allow me to breathe so much easier for the next few months as I get settled on the Eastern Shore.

Still, this gift has been bittersweet. Of course the money would not have come to us without her passing and I found myself tearing up while looking at my bank account balance this morning. She was a wonderful woman, one of the only people I have ever known who truly exhibited a kind and gentle spirit. She was frugal, but also extremely generous. She was kind and loving, but always knew how to approach you if she thought you were doing something wrong (this came into play on more than one occasion when I was a kid). I truly do not have one single bad or tainted memory of her and that is something that I will always hold close to my heart.

She will always hold a special place in my heart for many reasons, but specifically because she was truly the first "fan" of my writing. Poor woman, she put up with my rambling correspondence from the moment I first started writing her when I was about 6 years old. Bless her heart, she would always write back with comments and questions about the contents and even providing me with new topics I could respond to. It was hilarious when I stumbled upon some of the letters I had sent her and my grandfather that she had saved all these years. The gist of one was:

Dear Grandma,

I hope you are doing fine. I am fine too. Is Grandpa fine? Today I had eggs for breakfast. Molly bit me, but Mommy says not to get mad because she's too little to be good yet. I get to ride my bike with Daddy today. I hope he doesn't make me wear a helmet. I miss you and want to see you soon.

Love,

Emily

It doesn't have a date on it, but if Molly (my younger sister who is almost 23) was young enough to be in her biting phase, I think I was about 7 years old!

I hate that Grandma can't be at my wedding in October and that she never got to meet Aaron. They would have hit it off and absolutely loved each other. He would have immediately one of her "grandkids", accepted wholeheartedly.

I do love the fact that my "something blue" will be her star sapphire engagement ring, and every time I look down at my hand that day I will remember her and in a way feel her there with me.